Sunday morning we went for a walk at Hewitt Park. It has a fantastic 1/2 mile paved loop. With no church and no family to visit it’s critical that we (read “critical for the mom”) get some movement and fresh air. Taking care of our mental health is a real thing at our house, and Marc and I don’t shy away from teaching our kids that moving our bodies is critical in helping us stay happy and doing our best.

But we still try to keep a little Jesus in our walk and talk and so we chatted about how beautiful and green Texas is and how blessed we are to live here.

We had a short and sweet church at home all together on the couch.

Marc, the fantastic man that he is, made us his homemade pizza for dinner.

Can I just say it was really good? But I’m not the one he had to convince, it was the 3 short stacks at the counter.

His pizza passed the clean plate challenge! (everyone ate every crumb on their plate) And we cheered on our pizza pop and his tasty dreams of perfecting this cheesy thin crust goodness.

I poured over the Bakerita cookbook I got from the library this week. Reading every page, tip, and recipe. It felt a lot like spending the afternoon getting to know a new friend. And with with the move, I can count on one hand the friends I have made in town in the last month. (I’m working on it, but COVID has made things a little tricky). And my cookbook kept me good company and delicious results that I then got to share with my family. Texas has given me a new chance to find new ways to fill my cup and need for friendship and interacting spending time with others.

Obviously, I have Marc and my kids. Technology has been a huge team player on helping keep me connected with my people. We FaceTime family frequently, use Marco Polo to keep up with friends, and we have been writing and sending letters in the mail. I have also been listening to several podcasts and watching lessons on Master Class. There is a saying that goes something like, “We are a sum of the 5 people we spend the most time with.” And if I am in Texas and some of my “most spent time people” (other than my kids) are my neighbor Shelly in Arizona, Neil Gammon teaching me about short story writing, my mom, Morgan Jones talking to me about life and being “all in” in my faith in Jesus, and Elizabeth Gilbert making me laugh as she explains creativity in Big Magic- well, then I think my “sum” is a positive ending addition problem.

This picture doesn’t begin to show the joy the hour of painting brought to to our little home. Giggles. Delight. And happy banter. Then I remembered an old water color “surprise” trick where I draw a picture on their paper in white crayon, the picture appears invisible, then when painted on the waxy crayon repels the water showing the hidden picture. (Thank you third grade art class with Mrs. Gunnel) As far as my girls are concerned, I am a genius. An arts and crafts genius.

We also busted out our 50 mini muffin pan to eat our self’s silly with mini banana and chocolate chip muffins. Plus they are mini, so you can have one or twelve. The recipe is tried and true and felt like I had a little piece of Arizona in my kitchen when I cracked open my handwritten cook book.

I’m considering it a miracle we made it to the splash pad Wednesday morning. Everyone was up at five to six, the morning was then a non-stop power struggle, a tear-fest as the girls fought over who sat on my lap while we read stories (we traded off every other story, in case you were wondering), there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth at the injustice of me asking them to get dressed and brush their teeth, and the Tiny Prince, though very tired, fought a valiant fight trying to avoid his morning nap admits his very heavy eye lids.

They say everything is bigger in Texas. But the biggest thing I felt Thursday was lonely. I struggled to fully engage with my kids and feel fully awake. Ten hours of the day flying solo as the sun that my children’s life revolves around sometimes feels like I’m floating in the empty void pulling my little planets with me hoping my gravity will be sufficient for this hour, minute, morning, afternoon… And I tried to make the most of it. I was up at at my usual 5:48 am to hit the gym before I hit the grown running with my tiny crew. My social plans fell through so I put my big girl pants on, packed us all lunch, and took us to the zoo.

As a party of four (let me remind you that my kids ages are 4, 3, and 1) at the zoo we were extremely, and surprisingly, well behaved. Now that we have been a few times; we know where we are going and get excited about our favorite animal friends.

We got happy mail from my dad! And this provided entertainment for the late afternoon. He calls the fantastic hodgepodge of stamps “Weasley stamps” as a nod to J.K.

Our kids all fell asleep before Marc could finish reading the last chapter of Charlotte’s Web, so we saved it for the next day. And we sat on the couch and I cried some silent tears telling Marc about the empty loneliness I felt during the day. He held me, listened, then helped me make a bath and sent me to bed early.

This week I have been listening to Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. And I love it. She narrates it herself and it makes me giddy, she hits all the right notes in word choice and story telling and I feel like I am hanging out with a friend. And my heart doesn’t feel so lonely. In a chapter called Werner Herzog Chines In, she talks about how the “world doesn’t automatically owe you an award and you also are not as weak and hobbled as we sometimes allow ourselves to believe.” (She is delightfully and brutally honest with a good amount of cheekiness) And that was like a slap in the face. I got out of the bath, popped all the balloons at my self pity party, turned off the turn table playing “Woe is Me,” and started writing. Because it brings my soul joy.

If I want more friends I can work on myself – gain skills, work on talents, that will make me more of an interesting person that other will want to be friends with

– come up with ideas and places and reach out to other people and invite them. I can invite and not wait around to be invited.

– cultivate the friendships I have made.

Big Magic book had me thinking of creative outlets that bring me joy: The top hitters are- writing, cooking, drawing, and dancing. Do more of these things.

Saturday evening Marc and I won all of the good parents points with out Dragons Love Taco party.

The book by Adam Rubin is one of our favorites, and it’s just silly. So we colored dragon pictures and ate a boat load of tacos.