Dream a little dream for me… I just keep feeling like I need to take time to dream bigger and think about what I want.  I feel the tangible tension that there is something new coming or anticipation (the obvious answer is Marc’s graduation right around the corner and a family location transplant BIG STUFF PEOPLE) but I feel like there is something else. 

So this is me writing down some of my crazy big dreams so they aren’t just bouncing around in my heart. 

• I want to homeschool my kids. I want to share my passion for learning, reading, and experiencing new things. Learn with them and teach them to ask questions and get messy (thank you Miss Frizzel #goals). To learn how to learn for yourself. I want to obviously read, write, math, but also focus on art, music, moving our bodies, cooking, and finding creative outlets that bring joy. 
• In part with homeschooling. I want to learn Spanish and also teach my kids. I am more than green with envy that Marc is bilingual. I really think we can be a Spanish English home. And the big dream is eventually, take a family trip to another country where Spanish is the primary language to practice our skills. 
• I want to be a mainly plant based cuisine at home, like 80/20. So still room for the occasional ice cream and not have to freak about what there will be to eat when we go out or to someone else’s house. 
• I want to own my mornings- get up early, really read my scriptures, exercise, and get ready for the day before the day starts with my kids. 
• I want to write everyday. I want to find my own voice in words and eventually write something to publish. 
• I want to regularly document my little family to have my favorite moments to hold on to forever. This goes with my want to write but also includes learning to better capture my kids in the stages they are in. Improve my phone camera skills and real camera skills. 
• I want to be a portrait painter to capture a life on canvas. 

These are some of my dreams, at least some I can articulate at the moment. My biggest beast I have been pushing against at the moment, beside keeping three babies alive, loving them, feeding them, laundry, groceries etc… is my anxiety. At least four or five days a week it like someone has turned my anxiety volume up to 11. I go from feeling on top of the world to feeling maxed out at getting out of bed. And it’s exhausting and infuriating and numbing. So here is to pushing through it, exercising every day, getting some sun everyday, finding happy small moments and holding on to those, and focusing on the good in those around me and telling them about it. Help build up myself by building up my babies and friends.