So the Monday before my birthday I looked at Marc and asked, “twenty five is kinda of a big deal, we should throw a party, right?. He, being twenty five for a whole month now and being older and wiser too, agreed. 

I would like to say that I had so much fun planning and prepping all week for a party. That would be a lie. Looking at it, I’m laughing at how silly it all sounds. But once I decided to throw a party I was consumed with the thoughts- how can I be throwing a party?bI don’t have enough friends to even invite to have a party. You are a loser. You are so not worth it. blah blah blah… and this was playing on repeat in my head on a sick loop. I tried to push it out but was like on stereo that someone else was constantly turning the volume up. I admit that tears were involved.  Multiple times I tried to convince Marc that we should cancel it. “We could be sick and just watch a movie,” I would argue.  He was so not falling for it. He said a party would be good for me because I am worth celebrating.

The party turned out marvelous.  It was perfect party of a dozen people. 80% cousins and 20% friends who are like family. With the help of Mason Adams,(our techy specialist cousin) Marc and I set it up the projector, speakers, and Just Dance.

Once it got dark and everyone arrived we all felt silly and got up and danced and danced and danced. Leighton, who was feeling particularly reserved finally got up so I picked “Fancy” by Iggy. You know with excessive booty shaking and swinging hip action. Awesome.

This next part relates be patient…

In Beehives we were talking about how faith is like a red wood seed and tree that grows over time. (side note: life goal- to go to the Red Wood Forest) And trials are like the wind. Wind is invisible except for how we see it affect other things like blowing leaves or feeling it blow on your face. But strong wind makes for strong tree roots. We listed some “winds” in our lives. And obviously I was thinking about my battle in my head this week with my party. I need to be more aware of the invisible winds in my life, recognize them by how they are effecting things around me (like my happiness, self confidence, etc), and then channel it in a positive means instead of letting the wind uproot me. 

A solution that was offered for winds is to serve others or even just think of others. And think less about myself. 

And I thought about in my kitchen how I have my little Africa painting right next to the picture of Marc and I at the temple. 

I should make it a daily ritual in my kitchen to count my blessings because there are so many with so much less than me. I should think more about Marc and Ruby and their needs. And think about the temple and the blessings that I have there.

(Brad and Jenny brought me hose flowers for my birthday, so pretty) 

McKay’s mission letter form tonight had good words too, which I never thought that I struggled with humility (that sounds proud. ironic)

“I think the greatest blessing of hummility isn’t in getting more blessings, but in feeling more blessed as we recognize how involved the Lord is and must be in our life.”

I am going to work on feeling more blessed and seeing His hand in my day to day so that my struggle and focus will not be on my weakness and short comings but on others and the goodness that I do have. And try to remember that I am worth celebrating. 

Finally for a pep talk for my self, I turned on Elder Holland’s last conference address. There is so much goodness that just rings true in me.

If we do the best we can to live the gospel, then tomorrow—and every other day—is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant, and eternal life is the very object of His merciful plan for His children! …So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever…. His divine love and unfailing help will be with us even when we struggle—no, will be with us especially when we struggle.

Please remember tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength. Call out like Alma, “O Jesus, … have mercy on me.”7 He will help you get back up. He will help you repent, repair, fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going. Soon enough you will have the success you seek.

With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed.- Jeffrey R. Holland Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You, April 2016.

I love the credit for trying. Thats me. Trying. Even at twenty five and I can throw a party about it.